This is my first official blog and post. I have a tumblr account but I don't know why I just can't seem to express myself there.. Not so much of a personal blog for me.
I'm an asian girl who's now living in the United States. I got married believing I can learn to love the person I married. But as time passes by, I still don't know if I love him as much as I should. I know marriage is a huge step in someone's life. But I was willing to do everything for my family just to give them a better life. I thought they wouldn't be able to go here so I decided to marry someone my grandma wanted me too. I was supposed to go to Riyadh to be a staff nurse in a hospital but instead I chose to email him and give him a bargain. And then he asked if I'm willing to have a relationship with him. I said yes and the rest is history.
But right now, I feel like I'm regretting that decision I've made. I'm happy but not so much like I'm supposed to. I miss being really in love with the person I'm with. I miss being able to let my guard down, love with all my heart, give everything I can and care for someone like I did before. I can't even treat him as my bestfriend when he is supposed to be. I don't know what to do.
And now I have this job that I hate so much. Or maybe it's not the job that I hate but the people I work with. Fake, back-stabbers, fuckin' bitches. I hate them a lot. I still don't have a friend and maybe I wouldn't be able to find one here. I'm not a very friendly person and I really choose my friends and I left them all there in my home country. This is one of the reasons why I started this blog. To vent some unheard thoughts, express some kept feelings.
I'll tell more about me next time. I hope I don't get lazy with this one.
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